The Anger Hurts

I do not know exactly why I am so angry. I wake up every day with a load on my shoulders; as if I had not slept at all, but instead spent that time feverishly working, often times with the sweat to prove it, yet accomplishing nothing.

My legs ache of heavy lifting or much walking. My back the same. My arms not so much sore, but lethargic. Simply raising a spoon to my mouth is a struggling effort.

I can’t help but think that this may be, because everyday is a day I deal with a terror of frustration and inadequacy.

Frustration for many reasons. Current events and the state of humanity are constant agitators for me. I avoid national news like the plague, and political conversations send me off the deep end from time to time. You may find in a state of gibbering half-senses and curses.

Humanity…Oh sad, declining humanity, how can I escape you? This is probably the toughest of all things for me to cope with. Why?, you may ask. We are surrounded by it! You cannot get away from it and be a productive member of society…Unless you have the money, so in my case the choices are hermitry or psychosis! Most of what bothers me are little things, but the little things add up. Things that show me peoples lack of respect for others and themselves and without these everything else is pointless; Like dancing at a family reunion. You know your not going to get anywhere, nor would you want to.

Hero Worship or Loss of Self

When did we as a society get to a point where we cared more about people we don’t even know then our community, loved ones and our self?

It gotten to the point where I can no longer stand to watch TV. Its not so much that theres nothing to watch, theres plenty to watch, the quality may not be the best as far as what is offered; the real issue I have is the constant barrage of useless informations about this celebrity and that has been.

Why do we care who pretty boy(soon to be has been) is dating or who designed the shred of fabric Samantha Slut is wearing(besides most of us are not looking at the clothes) or weather or not John McDrunk is getting out of rehab on Thursday?

Pessimism…….The new “black”

From time to time I’m often told that I am a pessimist as well as often referred to as a pessimist, by many people, including my own mother. Most would find this to be insulting, similar to being referred to a a “Negative Nancy”(which I’ve also been called). I laugh inside at these times, because in actuality I am not really a pessimist, at least not by definition. Sure I often focus on pointing out the bad things in most things I encounter, and I’m not one for expressing the good things. If you look deeper then that you would see that my reason for being negative is different then the average pessimist(is there such thing?).

I used to refer to myself as a “Realist” a term that I picked up from my father, a realization that my mother loathes. In my mind a realist was some one who wasn’t going to dilute there thoughts or perceptions with dreams of hope. “Self defeating” some would say. “why get out of bed?” others would say. These thought-processes are certainly expected, especially since humans desperately need to categorize things into groups, Black or White, without seeing the gradians in between.

The usual perception of a pessimistic person is that that are practically incapable of recognizing the good in anything and if a sliver of hope or good broke through the resentful fog that the mind of the pessimist would smite it. This is where “realists” differ, while they are often the first in a group to point out the bad things that can/will/may happen, they deeply cherish the good things in life, but (and heres the kicker) the realize that happiness is a fleeting thing.

Expression!

How does one who feels the need to hide nothing and share their thoughts exist in a society where free speech is just a buzz word?

Without going into too much detail(if any). What is wrong with one expressing their true feelings? why do we feel the need to hide things from those around us or to be two faced(aside from the obvious manipulative reasons)?

Why has society put up boundaries on subjects and even words, and some times subjugates those in specific social standings(political figure, actor, married/not, rich/poor)? I’m not talking about using them as a malicious sense put purly a verbal sense.

Why do we insist on forcing what we think is appropriate on everyone around us(both at home and elsewhere)?

When did feelings become something to be ashamed of? When did being human become something to deny?